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Welcome to the Spunky Spirit Podcast. I'm your host, psychic medium, Keri Muggs. This
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is where we learn all things spirit, everything from spiritual gifts, awakenings, ghosts, aliens,
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and star seeds. Nothing is untouchable, but always fun and spunky. I am honored to be
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on this virtual journey with you, so make sure you hit the subscribe button so you never
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miss an episode. Hello and welcome to this episode of Spunky Spirit. I am psychic medium,
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Cari Mugz, and today we are going to talk about grieving through Christmas. I was going
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to do grieving through the holidays, but Thanksgiving's already passed, and I kind of feel like I do
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this every year, but honestly, I need to. It's part of what I do. It's part of my job, and
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during the holiday season or during Christmas is one of the hardest times to get past.
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past the grief and the loss, and especially if it's, I was going to say, especially during
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the first one, but honestly, it doesn't get easier. It's just every single Christmas. My
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dad passed over 20 years ago, and I still Christmas time, because he loved Christmas. He loved it,
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and so Christmas is hard, because that's when all the memories are there. That's when, I mean,
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you have other memories besides Christmas, but that's when families get together. That's when
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loved ones get together and go over, you know, just do lots of family stuff, and Christmas can be hard
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when you're grieving. It doesn't feel the same. It feels like it's lost its magic. It feels like it's
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lost its, you know, just the luster of Christmas, and so I have done, you know, Christmas episodes in the
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past where I have talked about my dad coming in and helping me with my Christmas lights in spirit,
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because I couldn't get my Christmas lights to work on my birthday, and I said, if you want to do
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something for me for my birthday, make my Christmas lights work, and the next day they did, and so
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there still can be the magic, but when we're in grief so much, and we miss them so much, it's hard to
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find that. It's hard, and it's, and you still want to keep going for other people. You want to stay
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strong for others when inside you feel like everything is crumbling, and everything is so hard,
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so I want mostly to, for you to know that you're not alone. There's a lot of people out there that,
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that feel the same way, and we kind of bypass grief off as a culture. We act like it's something that you
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need to get over eventually, and reality, it's something you never will get over. When you lose,
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a loved one, you lose a piece of who you are. Anytime, any, any part of your family, you lose
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a piece of you, because, because that's who we are, right? We're, we're connected, and we, when we lose
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someone we love very much, or deeply, we lose, we feel like we lose that connection, and in reality,
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we don't, but when we're in grief, we can feel that way, so I want you to make sure that you give
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yourself some grace, and you know, do what you want to do. If you don't want to go to family functions,
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or if you want to, you know, sit this one out, or if you, you know, I have a lot of, a lot of clients
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who are like, well, I, I can't put up the Christmas tree. They don't want to put up the Christmas tree,
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this, because in the years past, it just reminds them too much of their loved one, right? So if you can't,
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if you can't put up a Christmas tree, find, maybe do something different, maybe do something,
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like put up a different Christmas tree, or smaller tree, or, or maybe go on a trip this year,
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or the first year, or maybe do something that's completely different. I have, this is part of my
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busiest season, and during my mediumship is, it's because the holidays, and I also too will gift, or do
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free readings for people who've lost, have had recent losses during the holidays too, because
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it's just such a hard thing to get through, and I don't want to be on here and pretend like it's,
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oh, get over it, and, and they're really with you, and you can just feel their spirit, and even though
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those are, not the get over it part, but all of those stuff, all of that stuff is true, they really
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are with you still, and they really are around, and they really do love you, and, and you can, you can ask
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them to show you signs, and, but at the same time, it just doesn't make it okay still, it doesn't make
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it all better, like I used to think, or hope that my readings would be like, okay, everything's all
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better now, and it's just, it's not like that, you still, I mean, you have that, all readings really do,
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is give you that glimmer of hope that they're still with you, and give you that evidence that they're still
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with you, as you're doing certain things throughout your day, and, but when you go into the holiday
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season, and it's all about family, and gatherings, and love, and everyone's happy, and you miss that part
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of you, it's so, so extremely difficult, and so I want you to give yourself some grace here, and, you know,
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there's different things that you can do through the holiday season, if you want to feel close to
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them, but sometimes they might be just way too hard, and so if putting up a Christmas tree is too hard for
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you, because they were there last time you did it, or they always helped you, or they did this special
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thing, then don't do it, do something different, if it's too much for you, or too hard for you, they're not
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going to be mad, but if you want to feel part of them, and you want to feel them around, then do, do that
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Christmas tree thing, just really feel how you're feeling, really feel how you're going to navigate
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it, and, and know that there's no right or wrong way to do it, there's no right or wrong way to grieve,
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everybody does it differently, and if you want to, like, put all their clothes on the bed, and jump on the
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bed, and just, then do that, and if you want to put up their Christmas tree, their favorite Christmas tree,
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and play their favorite Christmas music, then do that, if that's too hard for you, then don't do it,
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don't, if you're going to break down a cry, and I know people who can't even listen to music for the
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first couple months after a passing, just because the songs will just have this big, huge effect on them,
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and grief is no joke, grief is a brutal, and it has, it shows no mercy, and so if you are at a point
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that it's hard for you to deal with it this holiday season, if you have to seek help,
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if you need to seek out professional help to help you get through that, or if you need to reach out
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to a friend who has the capacity to hold that, to hold that space for you, and what I mean by hold that
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space is they allow you to grieve, they, they don't say things like, at least, or at least this happened,
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or at least you got to do this, or at least, in fact, if you know of a grieving person this holiday
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season, do not say anything that begins with, at least, it's the hardest thing, at least what,
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at least, it just makes no sense to the person grieving, it makes no sense in their brain,
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and so, and just be careful about the things that you do say to people who, a lot of people,
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you know, kind of, they kind of not talk about the person, when in reality, when you lose somebody,
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you kind of want to talk about that person, you want to remember them,
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and have their memory, and to do that, to keep them alive, is to talk about them, talk about them a lot,
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and I did this in the beginning, not the beginning, but when, you know, before I would do readings,
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before I knew about, you know, how grief is, how intense grief is, when somebody would lose somebody,
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you would kind of like, it would be the elephant in the room, right, like you wouldn't really talk
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about it, or you wouldn't bring it up, when in reality, sometimes that's all they want,
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they just want to remember that person, and they want to talk about them, like the person hasn't passed,
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and so, you know, and if you're grieving, also give other people some grace too, because they don't know,
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they don't know the pain you're feeling, and the suffering that you're feeling, and what you're
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feeling, and so give them a little bit of grace, know that they mean well, but, you know, don't say
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things like, you know, they were, just, just be, it's so hard, because, because there's really nothing
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you can say to make it better, right, there's nothing you can say, so don't, don't try and make
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it better by saying something, just know that they're loved, that that person loved them so much, and you
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can, it's okay to talk about them most of the time that they want to remember them, because they love
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them so much, and they don't want them to be forgotten, and that's another thing too, that you
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can do this holiday season, if it's not too painful, you can sing the songs that they loved, you can do
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the things that they loved, you can, you can do, you know, the memories that you have, you can make a
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holiday memory book, and write down all the memories that you have of that person in each holiday, I have a
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family that writes letters to, and this is hard too, right, because they write letters to their, to their
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past loved one, every Christmas, they write letters, and for some of them, it's very, very, very therapeutic
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to write these letters to their past loved one at Christmas, and for some of them, it's too hard, and they,
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they hate it, and they can't do it, so you do what you are capable of, and there is no right or wrong,
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if you are capable to write a letter to your loved one at Christmas time, do it, if you're not, then
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don't, and don't feel guilty about it, everybody grieves differently, everybody does everything
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differently, so if you just want to sit and cry on Christmas, then you can do that, and if you don't
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want to sit and cry, do you want to get out, do you want to keep busy, and you want to be around family,
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then do that, you get to do what you want, there is no rules about grieving, the most thing that I want
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you to know, or, or let you know, if you're grieving somebody this holiday season, is give yourself some
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freaking grace, there's no handbook on how to do this, there's no right or wrong way on how to do this,
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and it's okay, it's okay if you cry, it's okay for, in one minute, you can be happier,
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you can be so happy, and feel that person next to you, or feel that person in spirit,
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and the next minute to be totally breaking down and crying, because that's what grief does, it's like
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the ocean, right, you're standing in a calm, cool ocean, and you kind of like can feel the presence,
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and then all of a sudden, the wave just comes up and knocks you flat down, and that's what grief does,
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it can be in a fleeting moment, it can be, you can be totally living normal, having a healthy day,
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and all of a sudden, a certain song comes on, and you are on the floor in the fetal position,
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and that's just how grief is, and when you, you know, it's hard to see everybody so happy, and so,
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you know, during the holiday season, so magical, so loving, so great, and the biggest part of you is
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gone, or a major part of you is gone, and you don't understand that happiness anymore, you don't
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just know that that's okay, and I would say, you know, give it time, but even time, sometimes,
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you know, it's been over so many years that my dad's passed, and Christmas is hard, because he
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loved Christmas so much, and so did my grandma, and so, I just want you to give yourself some freaking
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grace on this, and, and know that you are not alone, and mostly to do the things that, that if you want
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to feel close to them, do the things that they love doing, do the things, if you want to feel close to
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them, you know, do, you know, adopt a family in, in their honor, or do things in their honor, or do,
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because if they can't, I have a client that says, if not with you, then for you, and so, if you can't do
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things with them, do things for them, if you're emotionally ready to do that, do things for them,
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do things in their honor, do things for other people, in their honor, and the holidays are a great
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time to do that, if you're up for giving service, or you're up for doing that, sometimes you're not,
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sometimes you can barely get out of bed, and that's okay too, so just really feel how you're feeling, and,
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and kind of feel how your emotions are, and do what's right for you, and if that's giving to others,
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and doing all that stuff, then do it, but if that's just like laying in bed Christmas day, and, and crying,
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do that too, the one thing I do want to, is pain is pain, pain is painful, and painful, pain is so painful,
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and we've all dealt with pain, right, pain is excruciating, and, and the loss of someone can be
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so excruciating, but don't choose to suffer, okay, that's, there's a difference, pain is hard, and pain
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is hard to get through, and you feel it in the deep depth of your bones, but when you choose to suffer,
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that's different, and your loved ones would not want you to choose to suffer, so if you're choosing
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to not get better, or try and get, and that's, that's hard too, because there's no time limit on that,
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but you just have to know that your loved ones don't want you to suffer, they don't want you to sit in
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the pain, they know it's painful, but they don't want you to choose to suffer, so if this Christmas,
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it's okay, it's okay, if you grieve, it's okay, if you lay in bed, and cry, but if you find yourself doing this,
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to the point where you're not living your life, then you need to reevaluate this, or it's time to get
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professional help, and try and help get through it, because your loved ones, feeling the pain, is completely,
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letting it process, and letting it move through you, is one thing, but choosing to sit in the suffer,
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and choosing to suffer, and choosing to be the victim, is a whole nother ballgame, okay, and they're,
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they're, and don't, it doesn't mean that if you're choosing to lay in bed and cry, you're choosing to be a victim,
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you feel the pain, and you process that, but if you use this, to, to create more suffering,
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then try and use it to create more, something better, and if that's just even giving service to
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somebody else in their honor, or trying to, and somehow make something look better, I don't even
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know what I'm trying to say, because grief is pretty, I just want you to give yourself some
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grace, and love yourself, regardless of how you're taking this, but also to, or how you're dealing
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with this grief, but also to look and see if it's affecting the way you live, and affecting,
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if you don't feel like there's any type of improvement, within a few years, at least,
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and you're always trying to stay in the suffering zone, then maybe kind of look at that, because
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that's not what your loved one would want, your loved one wants to, on the other side, your loved
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one wants to be with you, your loved one is with you, so if anybody else ever out there saying, oh,
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they're too busy on the other side, that is both, they're with you, especially during the holidays,
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especially during the graduations, especially during all the things, because they're not in a body
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anymore, so they can be 10% with you, and 10% doing something else, whatever they're called to do
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on the other side, but just know they're with you, especially in the times when you're in the pain,
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and in the suffering, right? They want you to, they want to help so badly to get out of that,
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and so they want, they want to be with you, and so if you need to ask for signs, ask for dimes,
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ask for pennies, ask for birds, or feathers, or butterflies, ask for something simple right at
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first if you need a sign, and give them time, they're not going to do it in the next hour,
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give them time, and if you're just saying, if you just say, give me a sign, that's not going to work
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either, because they could be giving you signs that you're not, they could be dropping pennies
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everywhere, and you're just not seeing the pennies, so be specific, and, and know that give, they need
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time, they need time to divinely guide that for you, right? So, so just know if this is your first
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Christmas without your loved one, or if it's your 20th one, it's never, they do get easier, but they
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don't ever go away, and by easier, I just mean that the pain isn't as strong, right? Like, but there'll
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still be moments, there'll be moments I'll be doing something, and I'll feel my grandma's presence,
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or I feel my dad's, and I'll be like, and that pain will show up for just a second, but I don't let it
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define me, and I don't let it stop me from living my life, because I know that that's not what they
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would want, but if I go in the bedroom, and take a half hour to cry in the fetal position, I also don't
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feel, I don't feel bad about doing that either, I process those feelings, so really, really give
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yourself some grace, I guess that's the message that I wanted to give, you know, in this whole, like,
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25 minute, you know, this podcast is, is let yourself feel all the things, and give yourself some grace,
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and know that it's completely normal, and there is no right or wrong way, and to love yourself
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regardless, but if you feel like you're falling down a slope that you can't get out of, and you
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need help, then, then ask for help, that's okay too, it's okay to ask for help, and I just don't want
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you to be hard on yourself, because grief is really hard to talk about, because, because there is no
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definition of how to deal with it, there is no step-by-step process, there is no, this is how you do it,
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and so, it's kind of like raising kids, you do it your way, right, you don't, and, and people will
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sometimes judge you on the way you do it, but that's, they're tough, but I just want you to not fall so
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down, so down the spiral, that we, that, that you feel like you can't get out of it, because there is
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still a lot of good left, and your loved one would want you to find that, but I also guarantee you too,
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when it is time, that loved one will be the first one there for you, when you do your own transition,
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but it's not your time today, so, so try and do your damnedest, and you don't have to show up for
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anybody, you don't have to try and be strong for anybody, if you want to cry, cry, if you, if you
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feel like you don't want to listen to music, because it hurts so bad, then don't, you do you this holiday
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season, and try and find the magic in it, try and find little glimpses of, of, of it, because the,
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the highest frequency you could be in, is to be authentic, right, and you're not authentic,
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if you're pretending it doesn't bother you, you're not authentic, if you're pretending it doesn't hurt,
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so I'm not saying cover up those emotions, I'm saying feel those emotions, and get through them,
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but don't choose to stay in them, don't choose to stay in that suffering,
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um, earth is hard, and especially when you have grief, and you lose somebody,
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and I just want you to know that I love you, and I am rooting for you, and I am so proud of you,
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incredibly, incredibly proud of you, because if you're listening to this, then I know you're trying,
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you know you're trying, right, you don't want to, you don't choose to stay in the suffering,
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and so if you're listening to this, just know your loved one is with you right now,
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sitting there, listening to this with you, your loved one, your loved ones are with you,
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while you're listening to this, your loved ones are with you, as you're baking, or cooking for your
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family, or doing the tree, or driving down the street, your loved one is with you, so talk to them,
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talk to them like they're still there, and tell them that you miss them, they're here, they hear you,
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and they're listening, and they know that you're there, and they will start, once they kind of know
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that you know that they're there, they'll start giving you signs, and they'll let you know that they're
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around, so you matter, you're still here for a reason, and they are your new guardian angel, and they do watch
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over you, and they watch over you, I mean, I'm just the littlest random things come through for readings,
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like they were with you yesterday when you had steak for dinner, so they know, they know, and they know you
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miss them, they know you love them, and they love you, and they're with you, and they're not mad,
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they, you know, they carry stuff over there, they see their life review, they see how things played out,
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and they see why people do the things that they do, and they don't, they can come through sometimes in
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readings with frustration for situations, but they're never mad at people, or, or, or at life,
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they're just, there can be frustration, but they're never, and I've honestly never had, maybe,
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you know, their emotions on the other side is like a level two, or ours are like level 10,
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and the only reason they even kind of express emotion is because they want us to know how
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they want, they, that's how they communicate, right, because that's how we communicate with
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our emotions, but they can be frustrated with situations, and because if somebody's like,
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if somebody's like, and, you know, going through something, and they, they choose a suffering,
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or they're, they're having addiction issues, they can, they can show concern for that,
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but they don't judge, they never judge, and they always love, and so just know they're not disappointed
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at you, they're not mad at you, they love you, and they're with you, they're with you,
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and I hope that that helps this holiday season, I hope that that makes you know, talk, to talk to them,
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because it just tunes in their frequency, you know, in the olden days, when we have a radio station,
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and we would tune into the radio station, it'd all be all static, and then as soon as we dialed in,
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that's when you talk to them, that's what you do, you dial in, you dial in, and you listen to them,
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and they listen to you, and, and they can, they can answer back, and, um, just depending on how you
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hear it, right, but if you're stuck in grief, if you're stuck at that, and you, you kind of,
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it's harder, it's harder for them to reach you, so just know it's not anything you've done,
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it's just, it's just harder sometimes for them to be able to reach you, so they'll use things like pennies,
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or dimes, or butterflies, or any of that kind of stuff to get your attention, so, and sometimes they don't,
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a lot of times people are like, I know this, this lost loved one is around, and I need to know what they're
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trying to tell me, sometimes they're not trying to tell you anything, sometimes they don't have,
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most of the time, they don't have this big, huge, like, you need to know this, most of the time,
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they're just like, I'm here, I'm freaking here with you, and I love you, and I'm so incredibly proud of
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you, and I know that's super general, but it's, well, I mean, I want you to picture, like, if you were to
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pass, and you were to come through, what would you want to tell your loved one, I'm here, I'm here,
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and I love you, and I'm so freaking proud of you, that's what you want to tell them,
24:14-24:20
so just know that that's what they're saying, and you've, you've got this, I know people all the time,
24:20-24:28
just, you do have this, I know people all the time are like, you, you're strong, it's because you have
24:28-24:34
no choice but to be strong, right, if you had any other choices, you wouldn't, but you have no choice
24:34-24:41
but to be strong, so give yourself some grace, you be incredibly proud of you, no matter how you handle
24:41-24:50
this, this holiday season, you root for you, because they are, and it doesn't matter what anybody else
24:50-24:57
around you thinks, it's what you, what you, what you feel, process those feelings, know that they're
24:57-25:04
normal, let them, let them wash through you, and do what you can to not choose to be in the suffering,
25:04-25:13
I love you guys so much, and I wish so badly, I wish so badly, there was just a phone call
25:13-25:19
that you could, I mean, you can use a medium, yes, then they validate, and they, and, but I wish I had
25:19-25:26
that, I wish I had that gift to just send you all, all the phones, all the phones, so you could connect
25:26-25:33
for at least, you know, 20 or 30 minutes, but you, you really do have it already, you already have that
25:33-25:38
phone, you just have to believe in it, and you have to know that you have that power, and you have to
25:38-25:48
trust yourself, and you have to listen, so I love you guys so much, I'm so incredibly, incredibly proud
25:48-25:55
and of you, and I'm rooting for you, and I love you, and I hope that you have the best Christmas ever,
25:55-25:57
um, I'm not sure I'm going to be doing
25:57-26:05
a podcast next week, because I, I usually record on Mondays, and I will be out of town Monday, because I'm
26:05-26:10
going to, oh, there is another Monday, I think, though, before Christmas, so we'll see, we'll see,
26:10-26:15
um, there might be a Monday that gets skipped, I'm kind of, I'm kind of debating, actually,
26:15-26:21
if I need to, like, stop podcasts for the end of the year, because I'm kind of going to revamp
26:21-26:28
for next year, so we'll see, we'll see how I feel, sometimes I feel like I really want to, like, come on
26:28-26:33
here, and I feel really pulled by spirit to, to give you a message, and then sometimes I just feel like,
26:33-26:39
okay, things are good, but, so we'll kind of see, but just know, I love you guys, and you have the
26:39-26:44
magic already inside you, for you to connect to your loved ones, you already have the magic inside of
26:44-26:48
you, you might not feel it, you might not know it, but you do, so, I love you guys so much, and I will
26:48-26:50
hopefully talk to you next week.
